I’ve come to believe that words by themselves have no meaning. Taken one by one, alone or even grouped into paragraphs, they are blah, boring and utterly useless. What makes them pop is the intent behind them. I think some people are really good at reading intent.
I hate being at bars because pickup lines are pathetic tools used by men who haven’t learned the English language enough to start an intelligent conversation. Their jokes aren’t funny. But even if one of them actually has something of substance to say to me, their intent is SCREAMING at me. It typically appears in the form of him staring at my boobs while he’s speaking to me. Dead giveaway there. One wonders why they think breasts can hear.
Another common use of meaningless conversations are parties, conferences or events I attend, where suddenly I’m worth speaking to. Granted, the moment I leave, I’m dead to them, but as long as being seen near me or talking with me somehow boosts their credibility or ego, I’m important. I love to get limp handshakes and weak hugs from those who really don’t like me but for some reason feel they must pretend to know I’m there. I know they could care less that I am.
People and animals have this instinctive behavior that forces us to separate ourselves from each other into groups. However, in the animal world, they always know where they stand. There’s no trying to figure out if a lion is gay, straight, married or a vegan. His options are limited. He’s always going to be large, lustful and hungry. We always know what to expect with a lion. Not so with humans.
I know when someone is really happy to see me. Their eyes light up. They smile. There’s no hint of “uh oh, she’s here” in their body language. They don’t look at you and put their head down. Or hunch down in a chair. Or stick a menu in front of their face. Or turn to the person they’re sitting next to so they look too busy to acknowledge you. And even if they don’t do all those things and say “Hi”, it’s got the power of the 8 ball going into a pocket along with the white ball. You can literally feel the “SHIT” in their voice.
I think my problem is that I don’t have good self esteem, so I figure I did something wrong and don’t deserve to be spoken to or acknowledged in a group. On those really bad self-loathing day, a kind phrase like “Have a great day” delivered with cheer can drop into my body without any fan fare or acceptance on my part.
So basically what I’m getting at is you’re all screwed and no matter what you say to me, unless it comes with flowers, chocolate, bear hug or expertly delivered flirt with direct eye contact, I’m never going to believe a damn thing you say.
- Follow Akesana on Twitter to stay connected.
