Sex Before the Mammogram

I have a lump, I said, not sure if

the world is ending
or if this is a brave new wave

He was kind and encouraging, which I appreciated, but
no kindness quite hits the spot
like fear can

Bravery can
Bravery can

I tried to face the tiger
faced the tiger
had Wise Thoughts
blanched, because
none of this makes sense the way hips and hands make sense

I want the unlikely grace of sturdy hips driven to joining tender places
madly
briefly and forever
as permanent as butterfly wings
and just as endearing

I want to watch every little twitch and tingle
every waterfall of sensation
and emotion
wafting
through
across his eyes

He might not be able to do that with me
now

He watches me for bravery, for panic, and
I want release flying in the face of reason!
I want to jump off of this cliff, christening the earth, rejoicing in tears
before jumping off that cliff

The better it is, the scarier it gets.
There! I believed that until just now.

Now, now is the quiet jungle place
before careful professionals
and levelheaded reason.

I am waiting.