Two things worried me about having a baby boy.
One, the debate about circumcision. The other was war.
Once it was obvious his dad was going to win and my boy would join the legions of others who bear this horror, I became crazy mom. I demanded (and made a big stink about it) that he be numbed and in no way hurt. Not a whimper. Not a sting was permitted.
So, my midwife arranged for some medicine, saying it was quite unusual for a mom to ask for it. The doctor who did it thought I was hysterical mom and came to visit me after the procedure. He said my boy slept through the entire thing and by the way, he was an ex-army doc who circumcised “many men” without pain relief and they did fine.
Well. In the Army, isn’t it part of the law of men to not show pain? This was a day old infant. My son. Nobody touches my boy.
16
So, I got through sports, report cards, fights, a hundred bruised knees and feeding the entire JV football breakfast. This was nothing compared to the day he came home with information from high school about joining the Armed Forces.
I haven’t gotten to used to him learning to drive and they want to teach him to kill people?
He’s fascinated. He wants to maybe be a sniper or join the Special Forces, which my beloved late brother-on-law was active with. His Dad and I want to be supportive and non-judgmental, I’m trying. However, this scares me. It turns me into crazy mom.
My sister and the officers her husband worked with are ready with advice for my son. I deeply admire and respect all military people and their families. I have nieces and nephews in the Army. They love it. They’re very proud.
I’ve always been a person for peace. So I ask my friends. Talk to me. Guide me to say the right things to my boy.
I can no longer protect him from pain.
- Follow Akesana on Twitter to stay connected.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
hmmm.. this is a tough one. I too am a person of peace and I got kids and I’m already trying my best to steer them clear of violent toys and the crap on tv… but I know it’s only a matter of time on that one.
Do you have a vet hospital anywhere nearby? Take him to one, let him ask the questions to the injured vets. He needs to make the separation between the glamorous Hollywood imagery and the gritty truth of it all. Take him to a graveyard (yes, sounds odd) and tell him this is where people end up if they’re on the wrong end of a gun.. especially a sniper rifle.
That’s my 2 cents…
Hi Kim,
I come at it like this – I thing there is no higher honor, or more honorable calling, than serving our country. My father was in Vietnam, my Grandfather was in WWII – there are lots more great greats here and there that served and while all of them bear scars of some sort, none of them have told me they’d have rather gone to Canada, or not served at all. I think, for some kids, the military is going to offer some serious “growing up” time that no amount of parenting can prepare them for.
My son will most likely join the military – even in 2nd and 3rd grade I recognize that school just isnt his thing – and although we battle and struggle to get the homework done – as soon as he doesnt HAVE to do it – he wont. My 12yo daughter has a good head on her shoulders, she wants to be a nurse in the Navy and I’m so very proud of her. Sure tha t could change soon – but she’s stuck to this plan for quite awhile now.
That being said, I dont promote, prompt or cajole for either outcome. I’m going to make sure they have the facts, and the support of knowing I’ll love them no matter what they do (unless they choose to be black-hat-spammers – i have to draw the line somewhere
)
I think the best you can do is make sure you answer your son’s questions, or make sure he can find the answers, be supportive and honest with him. I’m not sure i agree that taking him to a cemetery is not “influencing”, but certainly the VA is a good idea. I think when Maddie (my 12yo) visited one with her Grandpa she really decided that nursing was a career she could make a difference in.
I figure I’m going to worry when they move out either way – if they’re doing something they WANT to do, LOVE to do and are serving our country – i can be as brave as they are. I figure we have to let them go, and pray they come back – just like I did the first time they rode their bike down the block by themselves, or climbed the stairs to that great big school bus and turned back to wave goodbye.
Update: He has joined the local Fire Company, training as a Junior Firefighter. He is also interested in ROTC or officer training at West Point. He wants to help people.