Her breath stirring expectant leaves that
whisper sweetly under warm
hymns of the cicadas

Building higher and more majestic her
voluptuous cumulus rises in a shuddering sigh
her face growing dusky with growing ardor
her ragged gasps ringing hot against my cheek

Thunderclap of her climax and silver rain laughing down
on this withered land, quenching my parched lips.
I turn my face to the sky and laugh against her humid thigh.

-Frank H. Weeden

You might feel that winning a rank of 30 out of 200 top winners is nothing to get excited about.  You could even say winning a national contest conducted by a web site few have ever heard of is nothing to be get worked up about.  You can argue a contest focused on mom’s who started a business is unfair to fathers who did exactly the same thing.  Not making the top 5 isn’t a reason to brag or send press releases over.

This is what part of me is telling me because I’m not used to winning anything.  I’m also dreadful with compliments.  A “You look nice Kim” sentence is interpreted in my brain as the sound of a fingernail scraping a blackboard.  It’s a dreary rainy Monday in Spring, and I won a spot in the StartupNation’s 2009 Leading Moms In Business Competition Top 200 Winners Circle. So, what do I do? Work all day and make a big dinner so my family can all celebrate.

It may seem trivial to you, but for me, celebrating in my kitchen with my husband, kids and pets is perfect.

Being in the 30th spot means I likely didn’t bolt out the door with my business and make a million dollars in my first year. I’m not sure what the criteria was for winning, other than blasting friends and family for votes for a few months. My story is like my peer, Rae Hoffman’s. She got to the 20th spot, and her story is filled with struggles and obstacles like mine is, if not more so. Oddly enough, our birthday’s are a day apart. Not so strange is that we share a stubborn drive to succeed and screw anyone who gets in our way. She has her code. I have mine, which is, “Never tell Kim she can’t do something.”

Choices

Many mothers who start businesses are married or have support. I had friends who believed in me. One was my first boss, who called me an “over achiever”. I worked for a company whose owner once told me, “Webmasters should only be getting $5 an hour.” I was in charge of 13 web sites, making a net income of $25,000 doing all the SEO and web design. When I asked for a raise, I was laid off and they gave the job to a man, who they paid more and knew no HTML. Welcome to bigotry against women.

I earned the respect of a client, who later became a long-time friend. He wrote this about the contest entry:

As one of Kim’s earliest clients, I can attest to her story – and still recall the time I invited her over to use my credit card to buy food for the kids. It was a worthwhile investment in an extremely creative and energetic go-getter. When our CEO refused to pay her more than $25/hour, I upped her billing hours to make up the difference – again a good move on my part, because it wasn’t long before Kim had her own clients who saw her abilities and the results of her efforts and were willing to pay her a fair rate. We hosted her startup Cr8asite forums based upon our knowledge of her skills, abilities and overall capability. Soon, the site grew to a scale which required a dedicated server. Yes, we have known Kim for years and have seen what determination, skills and good character can do for not only her and the children, but for every client who has benefitted from her efforts. Kim is certainly one of the top 200 working Moms in the country and her efforts have helped many, many people realize their own dreams.

By the time I had gone to him, I had spent every dime I had trying to support myself and the kids (when I had them.) I’ll never forget the horror of closing my daughter’s savings account, when she was 7 years old, because I needed the $50 she had in there. Today, I’m able to pay for her college and helped her buy her first car.

I also bought my own house. By that time, I had proven my worth to many people. I was earning less than my male peers, however, so when I went solo with Cre8pc.com, I vowed to never return to male corporate life. It never mattered how much I sacrificed (once I had to bring my son to work with me when he had a broken collar bone and they wouldn’t let me have off to take him for X-rays), or what my achievements were (all my usability testing is proprietary for the company I worked for and still is today), I was paid at least $5,000 less than all the other men in IT.

Success

I read the same success stories everyone else does. Sometimes I’m asked how I “Do it”. For me, the “It” is a constant creation I engage in every day. Typically I give something positive and something positive comes back to me. I love what I do too. Anyone who works with me knows how much I love usability. Everyone’s web site is a piece of who they are. When they let me in to visit, I am their guest.

What has kept me going is remembering corporate life and management that bungles things. I prefer to get things done and being my own demanding boss works well for me. As a mother in business, I never missed a Halloween party at their school, and could usually get to their after school sports activities. I was there to bring forgotten items to school. My kids rarely had sick days, but when they did, I was here and never had to beg for a day off to care for them. In the early days, most of my pay went towards full-time daycare, so the kids were loved by many people, many of whom are still in their lives to this day.

Today, now about to turn 51 years old, after almost 13 years of being “Cre8pc”, I have a nutty, busy household. As a single mom with a business, I helped raise, along with their Dad, honor roll kids and an amazingly mature college freshman daughter. My son plays on 3 baseball teams, high school football and is a champion weight lifter. I was here to support all of that, not working outside the home. I remarried in 2003. And he would never dream of slowing me down. Rather, he wants to quit his job and work with me!

Success is personal. It can’t be weighed and measured in any proper way. In my mind, I knew I could do anything I put my heart into and I’d prove all the doubters wrong.

I did that and I know it. So today, I feel good.

Because we all share this planet earth, we have to learn to live in harmony and peace with each other and with nature.  This is not just a dream, but a necessity.

The Dalai Lama