Look at how kids finger-paint. This is the secret, I’ve found, to doing anything… Kids just spill the paint all over the place, play around, smear it all over the place, and never give a thought to whether or not they are making a mess, making mistakes, or anything else. They do it for the simple joy of doing it! I think the key is not to grade yourself. If you make a mistake, hit a sour note, or whatever… So what? It’s not the end of the world. Try and try again…

I was at a piano recital, years ago, and there was a 10-year old boy on stage. He started playing and botched it badly. He threw his head back and just laughed and laughed. It was infectious… Pretty soon, everyone in the audience was crackin’ up. Then he went on to just NAIL the performance. The simple, beautiful joy and laughing at his own mistakes… That’s something that’s really stuck with me.

It’s not such serious business… In this hyper-critical age, we find ourselves becoming rigid. We pick one thing and pour ourselves into it, and if we paint, maybe we secretly would love to be able to play the guitar. If we play the guitar, maybe we would secretly love to sculpt or throw pottery or try our hand at sketching, weaving, playing the piano, or woodworking.

Get some books, gather the materials, and just DO IT! Allow yourself to make mistakes, and know that with patience, humor, and tenacity, anyone can do anything! There are no limits but those we place on ourselves!

Oh, but we don’t have time, we’re too old, we’ll never be any good, people will laugh, blah blah blah… A thousand excuses we come up with to cover our fear. It’s never too late! As long as you can move your body and draw breath into your lungs, it’s never ever too late to begin. It doesn’t matter where you end up, whether you become a professional musician, an artist with accolades and fan mail pouring in… It is you, and it is expressing you and your own unique voice in the most masterful way you possibly can, at your current level of skill, and within yourself, you have to KNOW that it’s enough, has always been enough, and will always be enough, no matter what anyone else ever thinks or says.

Whose minds are well-developed in the factors of self-awakening, who delight in non-clinging, relinquishing grasping– resplendent, their effluents ended: they, in the world, are Unbound.

- Dhammapada, 6, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

You might feel that winning a rank of 30 out of 200 top winners is nothing to get excited about.  You could even say winning a national contest conducted by a web site few have ever heard of is nothing to be get worked up about.  You can argue a contest focused on mom’s who started a business is unfair to fathers who did exactly the same thing.  Not making the top 5 isn’t a reason to brag or send press releases over.

This is what part of me is telling me because I’m not used to winning anything.  I’m also dreadful with compliments.  A “You look nice Kim” sentence is interpreted in my brain as the sound of a fingernail scraping a blackboard.  It’s a dreary rainy Monday in Spring, and I won a spot in the StartupNation’s 2009 Leading Moms In Business Competition Top 200 Winners Circle. So, what do I do? Work all day and make a big dinner so my family can all celebrate.

It may seem trivial to you, but for me, celebrating in my kitchen with my husband, kids and pets is perfect.

Being in the 30th spot means I likely didn’t bolt out the door with my business and make a million dollars in my first year. I’m not sure what the criteria was for winning, other than blasting friends and family for votes for a few months. My story is like my peer, Rae Hoffman’s. She got to the 20th spot, and her story is filled with struggles and obstacles like mine is, if not more so. Oddly enough, our birthday’s are a day apart. Not so strange is that we share a stubborn drive to succeed and screw anyone who gets in our way. She has her code. I have mine, which is, “Never tell Kim she can’t do something.”

Choices

Many mothers who start businesses are married or have support. I had friends who believed in me. One was my first boss, who called me an “over achiever”. I worked for a company whose owner once told me, “Webmasters should only be getting $5 an hour.” I was in charge of 13 web sites, making a net income of $25,000 doing all the SEO and web design. When I asked for a raise, I was laid off and they gave the job to a man, who they paid more and knew no HTML. Welcome to bigotry against women.

I earned the respect of a client, who later became a long-time friend. He wrote this about the contest entry:

As one of Kim’s earliest clients, I can attest to her story – and still recall the time I invited her over to use my credit card to buy food for the kids. It was a worthwhile investment in an extremely creative and energetic go-getter. When our CEO refused to pay her more than $25/hour, I upped her billing hours to make up the difference – again a good move on my part, because it wasn’t long before Kim had her own clients who saw her abilities and the results of her efforts and were willing to pay her a fair rate. We hosted her startup Cr8asite forums based upon our knowledge of her skills, abilities and overall capability. Soon, the site grew to a scale which required a dedicated server. Yes, we have known Kim for years and have seen what determination, skills and good character can do for not only her and the children, but for every client who has benefitted from her efforts. Kim is certainly one of the top 200 working Moms in the country and her efforts have helped many, many people realize their own dreams.

By the time I had gone to him, I had spent every dime I had trying to support myself and the kids (when I had them.) I’ll never forget the horror of closing my daughter’s savings account, when she was 7 years old, because I needed the $50 she had in there. Today, I’m able to pay for her college and helped her buy her first car.

I also bought my own house. By that time, I had proven my worth to many people. I was earning less than my male peers, however, so when I went solo with Cre8pc.com, I vowed to never return to male corporate life. It never mattered how much I sacrificed (once I had to bring my son to work with me when he had a broken collar bone and they wouldn’t let me have off to take him for X-rays), or what my achievements were (all my usability testing is proprietary for the company I worked for and still is today), I was paid at least $5,000 less than all the other men in IT.

Success

I read the same success stories everyone else does. Sometimes I’m asked how I “Do it”. For me, the “It” is a constant creation I engage in every day. Typically I give something positive and something positive comes back to me. I love what I do too. Anyone who works with me knows how much I love usability. Everyone’s web site is a piece of who they are. When they let me in to visit, I am their guest.

What has kept me going is remembering corporate life and management that bungles things. I prefer to get things done and being my own demanding boss works well for me. As a mother in business, I never missed a Halloween party at their school, and could usually get to their after school sports activities. I was there to bring forgotten items to school. My kids rarely had sick days, but when they did, I was here and never had to beg for a day off to care for them. In the early days, most of my pay went towards full-time daycare, so the kids were loved by many people, many of whom are still in their lives to this day.

Today, now about to turn 51 years old, after almost 13 years of being “Cre8pc”, I have a nutty, busy household. As a single mom with a business, I helped raise, along with their Dad, honor roll kids and an amazingly mature college freshman daughter. My son plays on 3 baseball teams, high school football and is a champion weight lifter. I was here to support all of that, not working outside the home. I remarried in 2003. And he would never dream of slowing me down. Rather, he wants to quit his job and work with me!

Success is personal. It can’t be weighed and measured in any proper way. In my mind, I knew I could do anything I put my heart into and I’d prove all the doubters wrong.

I did that and I know it. So today, I feel good.

World weaving requires an open mind and the capacity to love. I’m not just talking about selective open minds. I don’t mean regulated, conditional love. To understand Akesana is to walk into a world where social conversations birth exploration and the energy is creative, curious, and welcoming.

You may be surprised to find string theory, art and web site design – all in one site. You may find conservative views, open minds, anger, and an intense desire by some to connect, create and DO SOMETHING because they feel something is different.

Few will understand Akesana. Some may have the courage to visit but few will remain there. Because what we’ll create is going to be painful, odd, hilarious, warm, strange, scary, hopeful and human.

Akesana is for thinking, feeling people who won’t judge what they don’t understand. It’s for those who are willing to listen to each other free of hate, judgment, resentment and discrimination.  Wanna make a difference or be a blob on the planet?

Never apologize for showing feeling.  When you do so, you apologize for the truth.  ~Benjamin Disraeli

Akesana.com is the brain child of Kim Krause Berg, aka “Cre8pc”.

Please stay tuned as we create this space.